The Top 5 Ways to Engage More Deeply With Your Children (At Every Stage!)

Parenting isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being present. The sweetest memories and strongest bonds often come from everyday moments, the moments when you choose to lean in and connect. The critical part of this is choice, because as parents we have that power. As long as you make the choice to lean in with intention and connect you will find you are well on your way to creating amazing moments.

Below are some tried‑and‑true ways to engage more deeply with your kids at every age. I hope you find these as helpful as I have over the years.

0 – 2 Years Old:

Nurturing Connection Through the Senses:

These early years are all about security, touch, and learning the world together. I say together because as a new parent you will quickly learn that your child is teaching you as much as you are teaching them. Through them we get the chance to see the world through fresh eyes and experience the wonders of life like it’s the first time. As you begin your adventure into parenting, these are some of the easiest and most impactful ways to create that early sense of security and trust that you will be maintaining through the years.

1. Skin‑to‑Skin Snuggles: Nothing says “I’m here” like holding them close. Rock them, cuddle after naps, or simply enjoy those little giggles on your chest.

2. Narrate the World: As you go through your day, be it a stroll through the park, a trip to the zoo or a grocery store run, talk to them about what you see. “Look at that bright red ball!” Your voice is their comfort and their first teacher and how you describe and introduce them to things has a huge impact on how they will view the world around them.

3. Gentle Playtime: Peek‑a‑boo, soft music, finger puppets—simple games light up their world.

4. Story Time Rituals: They may not understand every word yet, but reading builds trust and a love for your voice, as well as giving them a significant cognitive advantage as their brain develops.

5. Respond to Their Cues: When they babble, coo back. When they cry, soothe. That back‑and‑forth teaches them their earliest communication skills and that they matter. It also fires up neural pathways they are developing at light speed and activating those strengthens their social skills, language skills and emotional regulation.

2 – 5 Years Old:

Playful Learning and Big Feelings:

This is the “why?” stage—curiosity is endless, and connection can bloom through play.

1. Join Their World of Pretend: Get on the floor and be the dragon to their knight, or host a tea party with stuffed animals. This helps them experiment with roles and stretches their imagination. They also learn their earliest lessons in cooperation.

2. Cook Together (Yes, Even at 3!): Let them stir muffin batter or wash veggies. They’ll beam with pride. These little moments in the kitchen offer distraction free interaction that builds trust, communication skills and opens all of you up to some of the most memorable moments of life.

3. Name Big Emotions: When tantrums hit, say, “You’re feeling mad because we had to leave the park. I get that.” It helps them feel seen. Name these emotions also allows you to teach them how to identify them and react properly to them by teaching emotional regulation.

4. Create Simple Art Projects: Finger painting or playdough sessions aren’t just messy fun—they’re bonding magic. They learn cooperation, basic colors, develop communication skills through descriptive language and even following simple directions when appropriate.

5. Make Routines Feel Special: Turn bedtime into a snuggle‑fest with songs or silly stories that only you two know. This routine is calming and allows for some predictability which reinforces their security. It also helps develop good sleep habits that result in better, more restful sleep.

6 – 10 Years Old:

Discovery and Shared Adventures:

School years bring busy schedules, but also the chance to share new experiences. At this age, kids are developing friendships, testing independence, and building critical thinking skills.

1. Family Game Nights: Card games, board games, or even building a fort—kids love it when parents join in. They learn to win or lose graciously through these game nights as well as continuing to develop their social and emotional regulation skills.

2. Celebrate Their Interests: Whether it’s dinosaurs, dance, or Minecraft, show genuine curiosity. Let them teach you! This allows them a chance to foster confidence and refines their communication abilities to help them better communicate more detail-oriented subjects using something that is important to them.

3. Take Mini Adventures: A Saturday picnic, a trip to the library, or exploring a hiking trail can spark endless conversations and give them great stories to share with their friends. Some of my best memories with my son are from short camping or fishing trips.

4. Start a Shared Hobby: Maybe you both learn to draw, garden, or bake bread together. Like many things in this list, it fosters communication but most importantly it deepens the shared bonds you have and introduces them to things that can become genuine passions.

5. Talk Around the Table: Use mealtimes to ask open‑ended questions like, “What’s the funniest thing that happened today?” Taking a genuine interest in their lives away from you in this manner allows them to learn that they can trust and confide in you while also drawing their varied worlds closer to your family world.

10 – 12 Years Old:

Building Trust Through Shared Moments:

These pre‑teen years are full of growing independence—lean in gently.

1. Listen More Than You Speak: Sometimes they just need to vent about friends or school without advice. As parents, we often want to teach our children actively but fighting that urge and simply listening without judgement and without offering solutions is often times more beneficial than anything. We all need to feel heard and cared about at times.

2. Create Low‑Pressure Check‑Ins: Car rides are golden—no eye contact needed, just open ears. Car rides offer great opportunities to chat or learn to enjoy peaceful and comfortable silence. This world is loud and constantly moving. This can lead to over-stimulation and a feeling of anxiety. Learning that it’s okay to sit silently, with no expectations of engagement is critical to their mental well-being.

3. Involve Them in Decisions: Ask their opinion on family plans or what to cook for dinner. It shows respect and puts them in a more active family role.

4. Find a “Just Us” Activity: Maybe it’s a weekly walk or a show you watch together. Alone time with each parent has multiple benefits and makes them feel individually important. This is both more challenging and more important when you have multiple kids. This leads to a lot of pressure on you as a parent so it is important that you learn to balance these times and take care of yourself as well.

5. Acknowledge Their Feelings: Let them know it’s okay to feel big emotions and you’re there through them. There is few feelings worse for a child than feeling that those they love most will leave if they don’t give exactly what the other person wants. Listen to them, help them deal with their emotions and teach them the right ways to do it. Just because we want to scream and throw a fit doesn’t mean that we can in that moment, but holding it until we’re home and can scream into our pillow is sometimes a healthy alternative. Find effective ways tailored to your kids and family that work for you and explore them.

13 – 16 Years Old:

Staying Close While Giving Them Space:

Teens crave independence but still need your steady presence, even if they say they don’t.

1. Be Their Safe Place: When they open up, resist the urge to fix. Just listen, nod, and say, “I hear you.” As parents, we can’t force our teens to open up but we must be there for them when they do. They should be striving to handle their own problems, but we have to remember they aren’t really equipped to do so yet. They’re learning to navigate the complexities of relationships in this world. Be their safe place to land when they get knocked down.

2. Support Their Passions: Go to their games, recitals, or watch their new favorite movie—even if it’s not your thing. The activity itself may not be something you enjoy, but making your kids feel important and seen is something all parents can easily get behind. Show interest and encourage them to keep going. This is where they will learn to persevere and overcome things through dedication and hard work.

3. Share Your Own Stories: Let them see you as a human with struggles and dreams, not just “the parent.” I remember my parents never told me anything growing up. Any hardships they faced were kept secret. As a parent I understand that desire to shield our kids, but doing so like this blocks them from developing a fuller picture of you as a person and seeing that it is okay to struggle and even falter as long as you keep fighting for what you want in life.

4. Offer Random Acts of Love: A surprise snack in their backpack or a handwritten note on their desk can make them feel seen. Think of a time you found a birthday or valentine’s day card you weren’t expecting. The fact that you had no idea it was there made that simple act hugely impactful. You are the most important person in your children’s lives and finding something simple that reminds them that you’re thinking of them carries a lot of weight.

5. Keep Traditions Alive: Movie Fridays or pancake Sundays can be an anchor in a changing world. This keeps that feeling of stability and security in place. At this age it has become a comforting, grounding experience in their lives and one they will look back on from adulthood with great fondness, and maybe carry on into their kid’s lives.

16 – 18 Years Old:

Guiding With Love Into Adulthood:

These years can feel bittersweet as they prepare to leave the nest and fly. As a parent it’s time to begin accepting that they don’t need you to protect them and solve their problems much, if at all. All of the things you have done, all the moments you created and the memories you helped build come into play here because those carried with them a later of trust and respect in each other. This is important because the connection now is about trust and respect. If this doesn’t exist between you there is a significant chance your relationship with them is breaking down or more distant than it should be.

You can now become more of a spectator, and it may be the most difficult part of parenting. You are so proud that you’ve raised strong. Compassionate and capable kids but it is heartbreaking to see them heading off to build new lives where you aren’t completely involved in the day-to-day of it. Our reward for being good parents and creating those incredible bonds between us and our kids is saying goodbye but knowing they carry with them your love and a childhood full of magic.

1. Be Their Biggest Cheerleader: Celebrate their achievements—big and small. Even when they are pretty much grown, they still need to know you are there for them and support them. They will stumble and fall, even disappoint you at times but knowing that through it all, you are still there and, on their side, will give them strength and courage to face this world when it turns cold.

2. Let Them Lead: Ask for their input on family matters or travel plans. It empowers them. They’re old enough to plan things now. Giving them a voice that carries weight in making decisions solidifies their confidence and the trust in you is reinforced by feeling you trust them. If they make a plan and you have to say no, explain why. Give them the respect of open and honest communication.

3. Have Real‑Life Talks: Share about finances, relationships, and mistakes you’ve learned from—it shows vulnerability and trust. Life will be coming at your kids hard and fast in these years. Next to infancy to toddler, this period may have them experiencing more change than any other time in their lives. Use this time to have actual discussions with them. Listen to their opinions on things and share yours. You do not have to agree with each other. What you do have to do and what they can learn is to accept that you have different opinions and outlooks on life and both can be valid at once. Let them see what being an adult is, the rewards and challenges it carries with it. They will take a lot away from these discussions and they will bring with them a deeper bond for you both.

4. Create One‑on‑One Time: Coffee dates, late‑night chats, or even running errands together can spark meaningful conversations. Remember those individual adventures you used to have with them when they were much shorter? Those need to keep going and will be far more valuable because they will be far more rare. Your teen has friends of their own and had likely built a life that you are not a part of. These personal, one-on-one times will be very special for you both.

5. Remind Them They’re Loved—Always: Even when they’re testing boundaries, those words mean more than you know. I’m sure we are all familiar with a teens favorite statement, “I hate you!” This cuts deep as a parent, but they don’t mean it. In fact, they mean the exact opposite. They love you so much that when you do something they don’t understand or agree with they feel deeply hurt and they lash out with the most hurtful phrase they can think of.

Trust that they do not mean it, they are experiencing those big feelings that they can now name mixed with the hormonal fluctuations that come with our teenaged years. Take the time to remind them they’re loved no matter what. That lesson will carry them through so many of life’s trials and it is something that you will need to remind them of as often as you can, even after they have created families of their own.

Final Thoughts

No matter their age, kids remember the moments when you slowed down, tuned in, and made them feel like the most important person in your world. You don’t need grand gestures—just genuine presence, playful hearts, and open ears. You’ve got this, my friend.

Here’s to deeper connection and memories that last a lifetime!